27 October 2008

The Middle

     ENTER INSULIN PUMP:  For the first time in over a year, I actually got hungry.  And it was such a foreign feeling.  How odd is that, that such a basic human feeling, one that a baby can feel immediately after birth, was so foreign to me.  I actually would go without eating for a few hours just to feel it again.  And I somehow felt a little more human, more while, more "fixed".   
     Of course, that was short lived because for the next 10 or so years it became all I felt.  Eat 8 a.m., 8:30 high b.s., feel munchy, be thinking about when the next time was that I could eat.  Even a Thanksgiving feast couldn't turn on the full signal.  I could eat 3 plates of food and I just couldn't get that over-full feeling.  I became jealous of my relatives, lying on the sofa, moaning in pain because they ate too much. 
  But life did become a little more normal.  No longer was I sneaking off to the bathroom to shoot up during a dinner at a restaurant with friends.  I didn't have to plan my life around that first shot in the morning.  I could eat when I wanted and exercise on a moments notice.  I got one step closer to that carefree life of my youth.  Except for the fact that I was now attached to something, and every 3 days I had to refuel it, and bring extra supplies, and...

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