08 November 2010

  Today I crossed a treshhold. The one point in my mind of no return. Today I purchased my airline ticket to Miami. My non-refundable, I'm out a pocket full of cash if I don't follow through with this trip ticket. So I guess I'm all in at this point. The funny thing is I decided on which ticket to buy over a week ago. I looked at the website about eight times just staring at the itinerary and agreeing that it was the ticket I wanted but not able to get myself to click "buy ticket".  I think I was still a little hesitant at committing myself even though technically I am already more than committed. I have publicly announced that I am going so to pull back now would come with public scorn although I do think I could come up with a believable enough excuse to convince a good portion of those people that I was making a wise decision for everyone involved.  I could spin in in some way or another to come out looking okay. The crux of my memoir hangs on the notion that I go on the trip, but I could somehow write me backing out into the plot and still make it readable.  But now, now my pocketbook is involved. I spent every dollar of my recent birthday money (I turned 25 again) and the proceeds from participating in a medical research study to purchase my ticket.So now if I back out I am out a chuck of money that I so rarely come into contact with. Now I have to go.
       Not that I don't want to go; most days it is the only thing that gets me through a day filled with students who don't want to listen and who are very fidgety and noisy, and errands after errands to run, and lunches to pack and bills to worry about.  It is usually the last thing I think about at night when I am trying to get to sleep, although I think sometimes that practice is counterproductive because either I get too excited to sleep or too worried that I have too much to do to get ready or that my story will end like the far too many stories I've read of sailors bailing into their life raft to float for days or even months before they get rescued. But it is something that I am so ready for. My hesitation, is just part of my personality. I always want to be totally sure that big decisions have been looked at from every direction and every scenario planned for so that once I make a decision I never have to second guess myself. And today I pushed that button.
      So I fly out of LAX to MIAMI and it takes almost an entire day to get there with the time change. I take a shuttle to Key Largo. Check in with Paul at the Key Lime Sailing Club and stow my belongings.  I rent a bike and ride over to get a bite to eat, hit up the market on the way home to grab some groceries and try to get some rest on my new home for the next 5 days. I take off at first light the next day for four days of sailing and solitude. On Friday I pull into Key West, hand the boat off to Paul, wander around Key West for a few hours, grab some lunch and take one of those tourist buses to the airport. Check in and fly out on a little plane to Miami, then to LAX. I grab a ride home with my dad, wake up my kids who were up way too late trying to stay up until I got home, say hello and crash into my bed at my parents' house. Wake up the next morning to well fed kids who attack me with their excitement, try to tell my parents about my adventure between stories form the kids and their week, a quick hour drive home to see Tony who look refreshed and renewed with his week alone, too. Now why would I be hesitant to commit to that.  Then I spend the next few weeks or months finishing up the book and take on the next adventure, dealing with the publishing world, which for me seems much scarier than a boat alone for four days. 

01 November 2010

Diabetes by the Numbers

252 - Last blood sugar reading
684 - Highest blood sugar on record- although it may be a bit inaccurate since the new meters don't go higher than 599
28 - Lowest blood sugar on record- They say you're supposed to pass out at 30
102 - Favorite blood sugar- high enough not to worry about lows and not the "perfect 100" that everyone else strives for-
15 - Pounds dropped at diagnosis
19 - pounds gained after starting insulin

8.3 - Last A1C blood test
5-6.9 - "good" A1C range
7.0 A1C I want
5.5- A1C that I would "shit bricks" over
9+ - A1C that makes me cry
36 - Number of A1C test results I have had to endure
8 - Mini boxes of candy I had last night on Halloween
10 - how much I hate Halloween on a scale of 1 to 10 because of the constant temptation of packages of candy just small enough not to register on the "to avoid" list

1,460 - Number of shots I took before giving up the shots and getting an insulin pump, never to look back
42,340 - Number of times I have sliced a tiny hole in my finger to extract enough blood to give to the machine who will grade my diabetic efforts for the last few hours and give me a result that will either make me smile or make me curse, but either way will better inform me of my enemies tactics and how I can outsmart him.
2,867 - Number of curse words spilled from my mouth in reaction to diabetes
1 - Number of entire boxes of Rice Krispies almost poured over my head in a state of low blood sugar
528 - Number of crying spells brought on by my enemy

2 - Number of E.R. visits due to freakishly high blood sugars
1 - Number of official D.K.A.'s because a box of recalled pump infusion sites got out to me and happened to get used at the same time I was battling the flu (and yes I am pulling out every reason in the world that this one was NOT MY FAULT)
2 - Number of crazy docs who thought they knew more about my body than I did and set me up to do or believe down right stupid things like I would never be able to walk barefoot or that to have 7 different basal rates on a pump is "not necessary"
3- Number of amazing docs who know I live with my body and my enemy daily and who work with me to sharpen my battle plan, who give advice on new research, new tests or new technologies to fight the bastard

14 - years I've had diabetes
12 - years I spent trying to battle diabetes on my own
1,000's friends I feel like I have through Insulindependence.org who help lend support and comfort as we fight together
20ish- the actual number of friends I have made through Insulindependence, though their support makes it feel like more
764 - the Number of times I've said to myself, "Now why didn't I join Insulindependence sooner?" and replied to myself, "Oh, Yes, That's right, they've only been around since 2005!"
864,357- people I wish I could tell to become a part of Insulindependence- It will change the way you attack the enemy

62 - boxes of pump supplies, glucose monitor supplies, sensors, tapes, I.V. Prep, glucose monitor strips and other assorted supplies in my closet/pharmacy
42,120- used blood glucose monitor strips I've sent to the landfill
24 strips currently in various crevices in my car
56 strips currently in my wallet/monitor case
138 strips in the trashcan in the bathroom
2 strips in my running bag

33,476 words written in my slightly humorous (but only to the warped minds of the world) memoir on life with diabetes and sailing solo through the keys
16,534 words to write by November 30 to be a winner in the NaNoWriMo or the National Novel Writing Month
551.13 words per day to write to meet that goal
665 words written so far today, oh wait make that 674.
16 Times I've said since I committed to NaNoWriMo last night, "Oh Crap! How am I ever going to be able to pul this off?"

14 sailing books I own and have read- most of which end in hideous disaster and ruin
3 boats I own, though the largest of the fleet is 15 inches long and attached to a stand so it doesn't tip over on my desk
8 - number of feet of the boat I will build this Spring Break
2- number of children who will help me build it
22 feet of the boat graciously donated for me to use for my trip this February by the Key Lime Sailing Club, my favorite sailing club in the world
4 days I will spend sailing alone int he Florida Keys
100 nautical miles I will cover from Key Largo to Key West
480 GPS waypoints beamed to the satellites and then back to mapmytracks.com where anyone can follow along as I sail
168 messages sent to the social networking sites to update everyone of everything I am doing, seeing, hearing, smelling and eating along the way
7500 dollars that I am trying to raise to benefit the oceanic recreation branch of Insulindependence.org
765 dollars I have already raised (thank you, by the way, to all those amazing people who have helped out in this)
105 days left to raise the additional $6735
64.14 dollars to raise each and every day until I sail
872 times I have said "Oh Crap! How am I ever going to be able to pul this off?"

4696 miles to fly
63 miles to drive
5 sunsets to watch
3 manatees to talk with
82,354 skeeters to avoid
459 pictures to take
152 minutes of HD video to take so I can edit it down to the 3 minutes I am not looking like a total dork
6840 minutes I will be truly enjoying myself as I seek to take some time away form my everyday life to reflect on what diabetes has done to my life and what the fight against letting it take over has done for my character and my life
40,000 words I will have left to write to finish the memoir expressing those new revelations I am sure to have while spending 6840 minutes alone on a boat in the middle of the sea (well, ok, maybe not the middle of the sea, but far enough away form land that it will feel like the middle of the sea)

17 minutes I have just forced you to read far too many numbers
63 useless numbers that have now been stored somewhere in your brain taking up valuable space that could have been used to remember your telephone number when you move into the retirement home when you are 89
1 person you have now far too many unrelated details about that may come together to form a slightly clearer picture of (sorry Mrs. Fullenwider for ending that one with a preposition)